Dads can teach without using words

A Dad's behavior towards his wife and daughters shows a daughter (and all her friends!) how she should expect to be treated by a man. Set the bar high Dads, so she chooses a friends and a mate using the right standard. Be so kind and respectful, that crude, disrespectful or abusive behavior is immediately offensive and she separates from those that act that way towards her or others.

A Dad's behavior towards the women in his life also shows a son the respect and honor he should show to a lady. Here again Dads, set the bar high so he represents the best a man can be and attracts the finest women of faith and integrity.

The Promises We Make....

Child sexual abuse is the epitome of physical, emotional, spiritual and sexual violation.  While enduring the attacks many of us make promises to ourselves.  It is a way to comfort ourselves, knowing that when we "have the power" we will exercise it consistent with our promises.  The sad part is that the promises are made by boys and girls too young to understand the true implications.  After a while, the actual process of making the promise is forgotten and the preservation of that promise is kept whole by actions orchestrated by our subconscious.  The promises reflect the invasion of our boundaries and our inability to protect ourselves.  They also reflect the egregious violation of trust that takes place.
What are your promises?
     I will never trust another person.
     I will never love another person.
     I will never enjoy the affectionate touch of another person.
     I will never allow myself to enjoy sexual intimacy.
     I will never share my feelings with another.
     I will never be vulnerable with anyone.
     I will use masks to protect my true persona and never take them off
     No one will meet my standard for being a true friend
     No one will ever see me cry.
     I will always be in absolute control.
     I will be perfect so no one sees the real damage in me.
     I will always wear a smile, so no one suspects the depression I hide.

I am sure others can add many more.  As we heal, it is important to think and talk through the process of understanding what promises we made to ourselves in the agony and rage of sexual violation.  It is not healthy for us to carry these for life.  They distort each relationship we try to have and leave us with a life half lived. Thoughtfully and intentionally abandoning our promises can be a difficult process, but one that opens the mind and heart to love, happiness and intimacy.